Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Sleepless nights

Jude has been going through a phase of refusing to nap. Because of it he has been overly tired and having night terrors. There was one day last week that was exhausting, I was done with being a mom for the day and needed a night of no whining kids. Lo and behold right about the time Clayton I were crawling into bed Jude starts crying.
I got up to get him and if I am being honest I was very annoyed with the whole situation. This was the 2nd or 3rd night that week he had been up and I was over it. I went into his room and scooped him up and he instantly calmed down, which is not normal with his night terrors. I turned to take him into our room to get him settled and of course banged his poor little head into the door. Screaming ensued and my nerves sky rocketed. I laid him down in our bed and curled up next to him. The moment I got close he quieted down and fell asleep in my arms.

I looked down at him and my heart skipped a beat. I was reminded, yet again, sometimes all my kids need, is me. My touch, my words, my love, simply my presence. I laid looking at him for some time, long enough that Clayton looked at me and asked if I was ok. With tears in my eyes I nodded and continued to gaze onto this precious human being that has been placed in my care. I fail as a mom so many times, but moments like that night let me know I am doing ok.
There are of course the nights he wakes up crying right when Clayton and I go to bed and Jude starts crying, I pull him into our bed to sooth him and he lays in bed giggling at us.

Life is not perfect, or a fairy tale. I raise my voice too often the kids fight more than I'd like. But with each little kiss and, "I love you, mama" I am reminded just how lucky I am to have this life, my two little boys and one amazing man that makes it all worthwhile.

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