Sunday, April 28, 2013

Dear Brock

Dear Brock,

You are now 5 years old. Where the time went I am not sure. When you were born at looked at you with such awe and wonder. I was curious about what you would look like at 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and so on. I could not imagine it. You were my sweet bundle of all boy and so incredibly happy all the time. I say you were born smiling. You were such a curious and alert baby, and you continue to be so as a kid. When you were born the doctor held you up and much to everyone's surprise you turned your head to look around the room. You didn't want to miss a single moment and you haven't stopped exploring, learning, asking questions, and refusing to sleep in fear of missing out on excitement since then.

When they took you to get you all cleaned up you started to whimper and cry like most newborns. That is until your daddy took your hand and told you he was there and it would all be ok. You grasped onto his finger, turned your face towards him and became silent. It's like you knew at that moment that all was well. You were going to be loved, adored, and cared for always.
The first year of your life is somewhat of a blur. You changed so quickly from month to month seemingly day to day at some points. I would write you a letter each month "birthday" you had letting you know what you were up to and what you meant to me. I cherish those. They are a moment frozen time that I can look back on with a smile knowing although it seems like it flew by I soaked in every moment. I rocked you every night until you were 13 months old, got up with you throughout the night for just as long. You made me a mom and I loved learning and growing right along with you. You taught me so much about life and love that first year of your life.

I cried the night I put you to bed as a 11 month old. I somehow knew as soon as you turned one time would speed up and there would be no stopping it. I was more right then I ever knew. You started to demand independence that year, being an early walker, and a very good talker I often forgot just how young you were. You have always seemed older than you are. Around 18 months the "terrible two's" hit you did not throw fits over not getting your way, but over being told to do something different than you had in mind. From very early on you were determined to do what you wanted to do, when you wanted to do it and we better watch out. You are stubborn, set in your ways, and so strong willed. I know when you are a man those qualities are going to make you excel in everything that you put your mind to, but for now man it is hard!

By the time you were 2 you fell in love with sports and everything out doors-y. We had to begin the countdown until you were 4 at that point so that you could play t-ball. You could not wait until you were older, and bigger, all the while I was silently pleading with you to slow down and to be my baby just a little bit longer. You also fell in love with all things music, man you loved to sing and dance, all the time. You were getting a little bit easier at this point as we could negotiate with you about what you wanted to do vs what we wanted you to do. You are quite the negotiator though! You were all about your daddy, peepaw, and papa at this stage in your life girls (including mommmy) were chopped liver. It hurt my heart a little, but made me so proud at the same time to see you grow and flourish. You became a big brother at 2 1/2 and you weren't all that sure about it at first. You loved to be a mischievous little guy when I would sit down to feed Jude, I found you in some interesting situations thankfully they were all funny and not dangerous. You had to grow up a lot this year it killed me a little knowing I "forced" you to grow up by giving you a brother, but I knew it would be so worth it in the long run.

By your 3rd birthday you had being a big brother down pat. You showed a love for Jude that was so raw and pure. You taught me that year what it meant to love unconditionally. You were a light of happiness for me in a year that was otherwise very dark and tumultuous. I mourned the loss of our "best buddy" status that we had before you had a sibling, but I knew I gave you a best friend like nothing else, a brother. You continued to gain independence and at the same time spunk and attitude. You gave us a run for our money almost daily but it was important for you to exert your independence. You started mothers day out that year and it was wonderful for you. You made new friends, loved your teacher Mrs. Dee and learned so much. Being so inquisitive and smart being in "school" was so good for you.

With 4 came sass like I have never known with you! Sadly, you and I butted heads almost the entire year, it made me so sad. I think 4 is just hard for a little guy like you. You weren't quite a toddler anymore and weren't a big kid yet, its a transitional age and it showed. You were finally old enough to play t-ball! Your first team was the Outlaws the whole team was 4 year old's and more than anything you little guys just wanted to play in the dirt. It was hilarious to see you in an over sized uniform on such a big field being such a little guy. This year you are on the White Sox and while there are times you still would rather dig in the dirt, you have gown so much in the sport! You are hitting doubles and triples, getting runners out, and focusing the majority of the game. We could not be more proud of you. You have been in Preschool all year with Mrs. Shannon and you have learned so much. You continue to blow us out of the water with how smart you are. You have made so many friends in school and your teacher cannot stop singing your praises. She said you have such a kind heart and you care deeply for all your classmates. It does this mama's heart good to hear that.

And now, my sweet boy, you are five. Five. I have to take a minute and let that sink in. You are truly a kid now, there is no ounce of baby left in you anymore. We had a bowling party per your request for your 5th birthday. You had to move the big plastic crocodile that is supposed to help you roll your ball. You had to bowl "for real" like a big boy. Looking at you makes my heart skip a beat. I cannot believe you are mine. That I was intrusted with your life. I can only hope and pray that I am a good enough mom for you. I love you more than you'll ever know, until you have your own kids one day long from now. My love for you has no limits and no restrictions. No matter the choices you make or don't make I will be your mom, loving you, and cheering you on from the sidelines.
Thank you for making me a mom and teaching me more about myself every single day.
As always, I love you, no matter what.

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